Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Small Talk

I have come to almost despise small talk.  I am bad at it. How can you hold a conversation about the weather? I can’t do it. I am horrible with “how are you?” conversations as well. Like, I’m good? No. Hardly any one is ever “good.”  There is none good but God (Mk 10:18)! People are either hurt, stressed, worried, sad, happy, fantastic, rejoicing, sorrowful, mesmerized, smitten, broken spirited, confused, or all of the above.  No one is ever “good!"  However, in a typical small talk situation, if you say anything other than “good,” people tend to think something is wrong with you.  WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE? I can’t take it.

This is why I dig too deep, too fast.  I ask people deep questions that are probably too personal.  I crave deep conversations. What can I say?  I’m good at them.  I am a pretty empathetic person, so I’m good at listening to people talk about the things that are either making their hearts rejoice or suffer. I love it. I crave it. I need it.

This blog post is a partial rant, partial apology, and partial explanation for my conversation habits. If I seem socially awkward in small-talk conversations, I apologize.  If I ask you too deep of questions, please inform me that I’m diving too deep, and I will try to swim back to our figurative kitty pool of conversations we like to call "small talk." 
I hate small talk, but I understand it is an everyday part of life that I really can't avoid.  I need to build a bridge, and get over my struggles.  Until this happens, please be patient with me. J

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The Little Things

I have decided that the little things mean the most. Well, at least the little things mean the most in my life. So.. Maybe I’m a little weird! Here are a few examples:

Whenever I see a penny on the ground face-up, I smile and pick it up.  It makes my day knowing I now have a “lucky” penny.

It’s the little things in life, like a lucky penny.

Whenever I get a letter in the mail, I jump for joy and skip all the way back to my apartment. Letters are one of my most favorite things.

It’s the little things in life, like a letter.

God has blessed me with the best mother ever.  One time she had to mail me something from home, and she left a note in the package that just said, “I love you, <3 Mom!” This made me miss her so much.  I still have the note hanging in my room.  She probably has no idea.

It’s the little things in life, like random notes.

Sometimes, my roommate notices that I’ve had a bad day.  She will ask me one simple question, “Do you want some biscuits and chocolate gravy?” 9 times out of 10, I say yes.  We will make ourselves this delicious snack and talk about things. She is wonderful, and so are the chocolate gravy and biscuits!

It’s the little things in life, like biscuits and chocolate gravy.

When people hold the door open for me, I am always grateful.  I try to express my gratitude with a smile and “thank you.” It makes me upset when either (a) someone does not hold the door open, or (b) someone holds the door open for someone else and they do not say thank you.

It’s the little things in life, like a simple “thank you.”

Whenever certain songs come on the radio, I have to change the station.  Sometimes I can bear the songs when I’m riding with other people, but sometimes I have to ask them to change it. They bring back memories that are too difficult to deal with at the time; they can make me crumble.

It’s the little things in life, like the songs on the radio.

Whenever there is a daddy-daughter dance at weddings, I pretend like I have to go to the bathroom or run out to my car; anything to get me out of the room.  I will never be able to have a daddy-daughter dance.  Sure, maybe I could have one with my step-dad or grandpa or something (if they danced with me at my reception, I would be so very grateful), but it’s not the same.  I envy those who are able to have one, and I leave. I don’t want to cry in the middle of a reception. 

It’s the little things in life, like a daddy-daughter dance.

Until recently, I could not listen to the song “It Is Well with My Soul” without tearing up.  My uncle Ted used to lead this song all the time at church.  It was his favorite.  Every time I would hear this song after his death 3 years ago, tons of memories would flood my head of him singing, being happy, the way certain, mean parties treated him, the horrible grief my grandparents have to bear, and the way he looked the last time I saw him in that casket.

It’s the little things in life, like church songs.

Sure. The big things affect my life, but the big moments are few and far between compared to the little moments.  This is why I have decided to take note of these moments in life and give them some recognition.

Because it’s the little things in life, like lucky pennies, letters, random notes, biscuits and chocolate gravy, a simple “thank you,” songs on the radio, daddy-daughter dances, and church songs that matter most.